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Parents try everything to get their children to behave. They may try spanking; they may try cajoling, they may try shouting at them, or criticizing them or trying to bribe them with money to change their behavior. If it were as easy as that, parents would have no more problems. There would be peace on earth, no flash-mobs, no gangs, or drug addictions.
Image via wikipediaThere are those who believe that if we give focused attention to something, it will grow, so if you focus on your child’s tendency to lie, steal or whatever else they do that upsets you, that behavior will grow. If you give that misbehavior all your energy and interaction, it will grow.
So, where are you putting your focus, energy, attention recently? Is it on your child’s good behavior or bad behavior? Has it been on their goodness or on their defects? Some like to think they are balanced – they see the good and the bad. Do you really want to see the good and the bad, or would you like to see the good behavior grow and be much more than the bad behavior?
Those of us who practice Corazon Alimentado try to catch their child doing good and then “make a mountain out of a molehill” "hacer de una pulga un elefante.”, helping the good behavior grow and grow and grow, until your child has mountains of good behavior. It’s not just about catching them being good, however. You can create good behavior by asking them to do something you know they are going to do anyway, or you can notice when they are not doing something; such as, "You are not fighting with your sister".
We have the power to choose. We can choose to see the positive in our child, even when it is difficult to see the positive. We can choose to verbally recognize the good behavior of our child, instead of taking it for granted.
Many parents are attracted to the Corazon Alimentado, because they feel better noticing the good things about their child. They begin to like themselves better when they are not shouting or spanking their children. These verbal recognitions are not just saying positive things to the child, but honestly describing what the child is doing that you like so the child can hear your positive evaluation of him/her. The child who knows he is pleasing his parents is more likely to continue producing good behavior for his Mom or Dad, especially if Mom and Dad are applauding, and giving their affection freely for good behavior.
You may well be asking at this point, but what if my child steals, lies, hits his brother or sister, curses at the teacher? Do you really want that behavior to grow? This takes time, practice, and continually learning from those who have successfully used the Nurtured Heart Approach. At http://www.corazonalimentado.com/, there are many resources to help you, including the parent forum to see how others with your particular problem are handling it in their own homes.
Other resources in both Spanish and English can be found at http://www.familyrelationshiphelp.com/ on the online shopping cart.
Don’t struggle any longer. Turn that child who is a nightmare now into a beautiful dream in just 5 minutes a day!
